Blessed

I just heard a song which almost made me cry. It described so well how I felt while battling heart failure, I shared it with Craig and we’re both in agreement it describes our journey. James Blunt, Same Mistake. Especially the lines “I’m not calling for a second chance. I’m screaming at the top of my voice.” Is so how I felt when I thought I’d be leaving the boys with no Mummy.

In case anyone doesn’t know the song, the lyrics are:

So while I’m turning in my sheets
And once again, I cannot sleep
Walk out the door and up the street
Look at the stars beneath my feet
Remember rights that I did wrong
So here I go

Hello, hello

There is no place I cannot go
My mind is muddy but
My heart is heavy, does it show
I lose the track that loses me
So here I go

oo oooooo ooo ooo oo oooo…

And so I sent some men to fight,
And one came back at dead of night,
said “Have you seen my enemy?”
said “he looked just like me”
So I set out to cut myself
And here I go

oo oooooo ooo ooo oo oooo…

I’m not calling for a second chance,
I’m screaming at the top of my voice,
Give me reason, but don’t give me choice,
Cos I’ll just make the same mistake again,

oo oooooo ooo ooo oo oooo…

And maybe someday we will meet
And maybe talk and not just speak
Don’t buy the promises ’cause
There are no promises I keep,
and my reflection troubles me
so here I go

oo oooooo ooo ooo oo oooo…

I’m not calling for a second chance,
I’m screaming at the top of my voice,
Give me reason, but don’t give me choice,
Cos I’ll just make the same mistake (REPEAT) again

oo oooooo ooo ooo oo oooo…

So while I’m turning in my sheets

And once again, I cannot sleep

Walk out the door and up the street

Look at the stars

Look at the stars, falling down,

And I wonder where, did I go wrong.

James has an imaginary friend. The whole idea of imaginary friends really creep me out and I have long hoped my boys would never have any.

Yesterday there was jam all ovet the carpet, and though James had jam smeared hands I thought I’d give him the benefit of the doubt by asking “How did this jam get on the carpet?”

“ooga Booga did it.” was the reply.  Quite confused I asked what that was, only to be told “Ooga booga did it now he’s in hallway.”

Well, I just HAD to check the hallway, anybody would right? Now I’m quite worried about this ooga booga coming into our room while we sleep and following me around the house unseen *Shudders*.

Otherwise things are good. I’m off to read, and then check under my bed…

I went a picked the boys up from their creche session this afternoon. I always get there very early, and get to hear the singing and mat time. Today all I could hear was James telling Ben off, babies crying and the teacher trying to get through a song. I think the Teachers were rather pleased when all the parents came in at the end of the session

When we got home I promised the boys a lemonade Popsicle because A) it’s an effective bribe to get them to sit in their car seats and B) It is an equally effective bribe to get them into the house rather than running all over the street. Well they were great, but I spotted a Hedgehog snuffling around in the neighbours yard. Thinking it was cute I pointed it out to the boys.

They both stood very still watching it for a second, then Ben turned and screamed and said “It’s coming right for me”. I tired not to laugh (It was in the Neighbours yard, and it was so slow) and just told him it was OK. He glanced back at it then told me “But Mummy, it’s coming to get me. Oh No!!” At this point I felt it best to get in side.

Anyway, right now Ben is glued to the window waiting for the terrible Hedgehog to come and get him. And this is one crazy thing I actually had nothing to do with, so overactive imaginations must be hereditory!

Benjamin got so excited today when he discovered a Blues Clue.

For those not in the know Blue is a little dog who communicates with his owner by leaving three clues hidden around to be found and put together to give the answer.Blue puts her pawprint on the items that are her clues.

OK, so my two obviously watch far too much of this ‘educational’ program, as today Ben saw the kitten lying on my lap and excitedly pointed to her paw and said “It’s a Blues Clue!!”. I chuckled then told him that he was correct, kitten had a pawprint like Blues. He looked worried for a minute, then asked “Is Blue taking Kitten?”

“No, the little Blue dog won’t be jumping out of the screen and stealing your kitten honey” I told him. Hmmm, is this why they say too much TV isn’t good for kids?

I had a cardiologist visit today and… I may need to change the name of my blog!! My heart size is now in normal range, and my Ejection Fraction (How well the heart pumps blood around the body) has come up to 59%!! That’s from 35% when I was diagnosed, and normal is 65% so I am so close and so thrilled!! The cardiologist didn’t expect it, considering the shape my heart was in, and was so pleased (It’s nice to see a specialist be as happy as you are about good news!). When there has been damage to the heart many doctors see anything over 50% EF as a low normal, but my cardio thinks since we’ve come this far we might as well aim high and has much faith that I will see 65% at my next visit a WHOLE YEAR away!! I’ve gone from monthly to three monthly, then six monthly and now yearly visits!!! Next year I should be able to start weaning off the heart failure meds.

I’m so relieved. Now heart transplantation, ICDs and a lifetime of meds are all behind me. Thank God!! ANd thank you to all my friends that have been thinking of me and sending me such good wishes of getting better – It worked!!!

And thank you Kylie for being there at the last minute to watch the boys so I could actually go to the appointment. You’re one in a million

It’s not too often I get through a whole day feeling well, so I think it’s worth writing about

This morning the three of us got up early and got all the groceries. Ben and James were so well behaved, took turns in the trolley (for some reason Pak’n’save does not provide twin trolleys for toddlers, and I can no longer jam them into the baby seats) and held my hand or got things we actually needed off the shelves. So I decided to be brave and grab the Mother’s day gifts and two pairs of PJ’s for the boys. Even that went well!

We had Lucas and Riley, the boy’s cousins, over for lunch along with their Mum Nadine. It was such a lovely visit, the boys have heaps of fun playing and Nadine and I get to chat, I always feel so happy when I have had a visit from the three of them.

Then I managed to go 6km on my new exercycle, without getting breathless and my heart rate stayed where it’s meant too!!!

So I’m a bit excited about my GOOD day